How Culture and Language Shape Our Emotional World

Emotional Regulation – A Narrative Therapy Perspective

Emotional regulation — our ability to manage and respond to our feelings — is often seen as a purely internal skill, something we are born with or learn through life experiences. But from a Narrative Therapy perspective, our emotions do not exist in a vacuum. They are shaped by the stories we live by, the culture we grow up in, and the language we use every day.

Today, we will explore how different cultural narratives and the words we speak influence how we feel, regulate, and understand our emotions. We will also look at examples from English-speaking and Mandarin-speaking cultures, and how we can begin re-authoring our emotional stories with greater awareness and compassion.

Emotional Regulation and Narrative Therapy

Emotional regulation is the ability to recognise our feelings, manage their intensity, and express them in ways that are healthy and appropriate for the situation.
In Narrative Therapy, we understand emotions not just as personal experiences, but as part of broader life stories. The language we use to describe emotions — and the cultural beliefs tied to them — gives meaning to what we feel.
Importantly, Narrative Therapy invites us to externalise emotional challenges. Instead of saying, “I am an anxious person,” we might say, “Anxiety has been showing up in my life lately.” This shift helps us see that emotions are not our identity — they are part of the stories we can reshape.

The Role of Culture and Language in Shaping Emotions

Culture offers us templates: ways of understanding which emotions are valued, discouraged, or even judged. Language becomes the tool we use to label, interpret, and sometimes even limit our emotional experiences.
The words and phrases we grow up hearing carry emotional weight. They tell us what is “appropriate” to feel and how we are “supposed” to behave when certain emotions arise. Over time, these messages can deeply influence how we regulate our feelings — often without us even realising it.

Examples from English-Speaking and Mandarin-Speaking Cultures

English-Speaking Cultures

Common phrases such as “boys don’t cry” or “stay strong” shape emotional expectations from a young age.

• “Boys don’t cry” sends the message that vulnerability is unacceptable, particularly for men.
• “Stay strong” often encourages people to suppress sadness or grief rather than seek support.

As a result, many individuals might internalise shame about expressing emotions like sadness or fear, and instead present a façade of strength, even when they are struggling inside.

Mandarin-Speaking Cultures

Similarly, in Mandarin-speaking cultures, traditional sayings emphasise endurance and restraint.

• 「忍一時風平浪靜」— “Endure for a moment, and the storm will pass” — praises emotional endurance over open expression.
• 「吃苦耐勞」— “Endure hardship and work hard” — frames suffering as a virtue and personal strength.

These cultural teachings can lead to emotional suppression, where individuals feel obligated to endure pain quietly and may experience guilt or shame when seeking emotional support.

How Cultural Narratives Impact Emotional Regulation

When certain emotions are celebrated while others are discouraged, we naturally learn to adjust our emotional expressions to meet cultural expectations. For instance, someone might feel angry but suppress the feeling because their culture values emotional restraint, especially in maintaining group harmony. Others may experience sadness but reframe it as “just feeling tired,” particularly in cultures where vulnerability is associated with weakness or loss of face.

Language also plays a powerful role in shaping how we understand and express emotions. It can either enrich or limit our emotional vocabulary. In English, there are many nuanced words for emotional states — such as overwhelmed, irritated, or disappointed — which help people articulate their inner experiences with precision. In contrast, some emotions are described in culturally specific ways that have no direct equivalent in other languages but carry deep emotional meaning.

For example, the Mandarin word 「委屈」(wěiqu) refers to a feeling of being wronged, hurt, or emotionally aggrieved — often when one suppresses their own needs or endures mistreatment for the sake of harmony. While it can be loosely translated as “feeling mistreated” or “put-upon,” wěiqu carries layers of relational and moral undertone that are culturally specific.

Conversely, in English, the word “awkward” is often used to describe moments of social discomfort, embarrassment, or tension that arise from unclear boundaries or unspoken expectations. While Mandarin speakers may describe similar situations using phrases like 「尷尬」(gāngà), the word awkward can also extend to a wide range of emotional tones — from mildly uncomfortable to deeply insecure — that do not always have a precise match in Mandarin.

Without the language to name a feeling, it becomes more difficult to clearly express or regulate it. By acknowledging our emotions — and recognising how they are shaped by our life experiences and cultural background — we can begin to tune in more deeply to our inner world. This awareness not only enhances emotional regulation, but also strengthens our connection to the cultural stories and environments that influence how we feel, think, and respond.

Practical Reflections for Your Emotional Journey

If you would like to reflect on your own emotional stories, here are some gentle questions to consider:

• What sayings or phrases about emotions did I grow up hearing?
• Which emotions do I find easy to express? Which emotions do I struggle with?
• How has my cultural background shaped my relationship with feelings like sadness, anger, or fear? What about happiness, joyful, or love?
• What alternative stories about emotions might feel more true and empowering for me today?

Remember: emotional regulation is not about “controlling” your feelings. It is about understanding where they come from, giving them space to exist, and responding with kindness to yourself.

Final Thoughts

Our emotions are deeply connected to the stories, cultures, and languages that surround us. By becoming more aware of these influences, we can begin to re-author our emotional lives with greater self-compassion and freedom.
At Ashore Wellness, we honour the richness of each person’s cultural and emotional story. If you are curious to explore your emotional world in a safe, supportive environment, we are here to walk alongside you.