Why Am I So Emotional? Understanding Emotions with Narrative Therapy
We’ve all had moments where we wonder, “Why am I so emotional?” It’s a question that pops up when our feelings seem to take over—whether it’s sudden sadness, unexpected anger, or lingering feelings of rejection. Emotions are a big part of life, but understanding where they come from and why they affect us differently is key to handling them better.
To explore this, let’s look at how our brain works, the way society shapes our feelings, and the stories we tell ourselves about our emotions. We’ll use a tool called Narrative Therapy, which helps us see our lives as stories that we can change for the better. By seeing our emotions as part of these stories, we can start to manage them in a healthier way.
How the brain creates emotions?
At its core, emotions are tied to how our brain responds to things. Our brains have been wired over millions of years to react to what’s happening around us and inside us. Different parts of the brain, like the amygdala, prefrontal cortex, and hippocampus, all play a role in how we feel.
The amygdala is often called the “emotion centre” of the brain. It’s the part that reacts quickly when we’re scared, angry, or happy. It’s responsible for the fight-or-flight response that’s kept humans safe throughout history. But the amygdala also helps us understand the emotions of others, which is crucial for social interaction.
The prefrontal cortex handles higher-level thinking. It helps us make decisions, control our impulses, and manage our social behaviour. This part of the brain steps in when we need to calm down and think before we act on intense emotions.
Then there’s the hippocampus, which deals with memory. It’s linked to the amygdala, so our emotional reactions are often tied to memories. For example, a certain song might make you feel sad because it’s connected to a memory stored in the hippocampus.
But our brain doesn’t work in isolation—our emotions are also shaped by the social rules and stories we’ve learned throughout our lives.
How society shapes our emotions
From the day we’re born, we’re influenced by the world around us. Social norms—those unspoken rules about how we should behave—play a big part in shaping how we feel and express our emotions. These norms tell us what emotions are “okay” to show and which ones aren’t.
For instance, many cultures teach men that showing emotions like sadness or fear is a sign of weakness. This can lead men to bottle up these feelings, which might result in stress or mental health issues. Women, on the other hand, might be encouraged to be more expressive, but then they might be labelled as “too emotional.”
These social rules also create the stories we tell ourselves about our emotions. If you’ve been told you’re “too sensitive,” you might start to believe that your emotions are a problem. This kind of thinking can make you feel ashamed or inadequate, making it even harder to deal with your feelings.
Narrative Therapy, developed by Michael White and David Epston, is a way to understand and change these stories. It’s based on the idea that the stories we tell ourselves shape who we are, and by changing these stories, we can change our lives.
Changing the story of our emotions with Narrative Therapy
Narrative Therapy suggests that our lives are made up of many different stories. Some of these stories are positive, while others can hold us back. When it comes to emotions, the stories we tell ourselves can greatly influence how we feel and respond.
For example, if you believe the story that you’re “too emotional,” you might see your feelings as something that needs fixing. This can lead to a cycle of self-criticism, where you try to push your feelings away instead of understanding them. Narrative Therapy helps us step back and look at these stories from a new angle.
One key technique in Narrative Therapy is externalisation—separating yourself from the problem. Instead of saying, “I am too emotional,” you might say, “I have strong emotions.” This small change in language helps you distance yourself from the problem, making it easier to explore and address.
Once you’ve externalised the problem, you can start to deconstruct the story around it. This means asking yourself where the story came from, whose voices are shaping it, and whether it’s really helping you. For example:
- Why do I think being emotional is a bad thing?
- Who told me that certain emotions aren’t okay?
- How have these beliefs affected my life and relationships?
By going through this process, you might find that your beliefs about emotions come from social norms or past experiences that don’t serve you anymore. Recognising this can help you challenge and change these stories.
Narrative Therapy also encourages re-authoring your story—creating new, more empowering narratives that reflect who you truly are. This might mean seeing your emotions as a natural and valuable part of you, rather than something to be ashamed of. For example, you might shift from thinking “I am too emotional” to “I’m in touch with my emotions, and they help me connect with others.”
Bringing It All Together: Brain, Society, and Narrative Therapy
You might be wondering how brain responses, social conditioning, and Narrative Therapy fit together. The key is to see that our emotions are shaped by both biology and society. Our brains respond to situations based on pathways built over time, and these pathways are influenced by the stories we’ve internalised.
For instance, if you’ve been taught that anger is unacceptable, your brain might respond to anger with guilt or shame. This response isn’t just about the amygdala firing off signals—it’s also about the prefrontal cortex processing the story that “anger is bad.” Using Narrative Therapy to change this story can help you see anger as a valid emotion, not something to be pushed down.
Similarly, if certain situations make you feel intensely sad, it might be because your brain has linked those situations to past experiences. By exploring and rewriting the stories around these experiences, you can start to change how you respond emotionally.
This process takes time and effort. Emotions are deeply ingrained, influenced by years of social conditioning. But with consistent work, you can start to change how your brain reacts to emotional triggers.
Practical Tips for Managing Your Emotions
Now that we’ve explored how your brain, society, and Narrative Therapy all play a role in shaping your emotions, let’s look at some practical steps you can take:
- Recognise and name your emotions: Start by identifying what you’re feeling. Instead of just feeling “bad” or “upset,” try to pinpoint the exact emotion—are you angry, sad, anxious, or frustrated? Naming it can help you understand and manage it better.
- Externalise the problem: Remember to separate yourself from your emotions. Instead of saying, “I am angry,” try saying, “I am feeling anger.” This small shift can make it easier to deal with your feelings.
- Examine the story: Take a closer look at the story you’re telling yourself about your emotions. Where did this story come from? Is it really helping you? This process can help you challenge and change limiting beliefs.
- Reframe the story: Once you’ve examined the story, think about how you would reposition yourself to identify your own strength on the matter. If you see your emotions as a weakness, try to reflect on how they could be a strength in supporting you through challenges? Emotions are a natural and important part of being human and can offer insights into what you need.
- Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness is a great tool for managing emotions. By staying present and observing your feelings without judgement, you can gain better control over your emotional responses. Mindfulness also helps you spot patterns in your emotions and identify triggers.
- Seek support: If you’re finding it tough to manage your emotions on your own, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist or counsellor. They can help you explore your feelings, challenge limiting stories, and develop healthier coping strategies.
Conclusion: Embracing Your Emotional Self
Emotions are a key part of who we are. They guide our decisions, shape our relationships, and add depth to our lives. But they can also be overwhelming and tricky to navigate. By understanding how our brains work, how society influences us, and how we can change our stories with Narrative Therapy, we can start to take charge of our emotional lives.
Narrative Therapy shows us that emotions aren’t fixed—they’re part of the stories we tell ourselves, stories we can rewrite. Changing these stories can help us see our emotions from a new, empowering perspective. It helps us understand that feelings like anger, sadness, or fear aren’t “bad”—they’re natural responses to the world around us. By embracing these emotions, we can learn more about ourselves and what we need.
With mindfulness and self-compassion, we can create some space between ourselves and our emotions, giving us the freedom to choose how we respond. Whether it’s seeking support, reframing our story, or just letting ourselves feel without judgement, we can start to navigate our emotions with more ease and understanding.
So next time you’re overwhelmed by emotions, take a moment to pause. Ask yourself: What story am I telling myself about this feeling? Is it helping me, or holding me back? How can I change this story to honour my emotions and move forward?
By asking these questions and using the tools of Narrative Therapy, you can start to transform your relationship with your emotions. Instead of seeing them as something to fear or suppress, you can embrace them as important allies on your journey to understanding yourself and the world around you.
Interested in exploring your story with a Narrative Therapist? Get in touch with Nick at Ashore Wellness today and get started with in-person session, online telehealth, or try out Walk & Talk Narrative Therapy in Melbourne’s natural parkland. Contact us today to find out more details!
